It’s funny how people see you as one thing or another but they never really get the full view. There’s a person I know who saw me, rightfully so, as shy. What she didn’t realise though, is that I can be anything but when you get to know me, when it comes to looking after those I love, or campaigning for human rights. That when I’m at a sci-fi convention and surrounded by my fellow geeks and nerds, I can let my flag fly free, and for a few hours at least, I become a butterfly, before I need to retreat back into my cocoon and recharge.
I’m a creative. My world is one of observation, introspection, only allowing certain people in close enough, and even then only allowing one person in the whole way. I’m happiest with my own company, or with the company of animals. And when I want socialisation, mostly I want the company of a few select people. But I’m also autistic. I’ve learnt how to put myself out there outside of my comfort zone. It’s tiring and it drains my energy levels. It causes me to want that alone time even more.
There are a handful of people that I have been in regular contact with since the lockdown started. For obvious reasons, one is my housemate. One is my sister, one is my closest friend, there are two others. Only three of these do I talk to daily. And even then our conversations may be short and to the point. It’s a case of checking in and making sure the other is okay.
I am happy with my writing, sketching, sewing, reading, colouring books, photography, baking, pets, and a wheel around the block. There’s no boredom here. I have been training for this my whole life. More so since disability took over to the point where a nine to five became impossible. If I need to curl up in my bed and take a nap, so be it. If I want to sit in the garden and meditate, why not? The calm and quiet is good for me. I’m also learning not to let the minutiae of the day drag me down.
Life can still be beautiful, even when the world seems to be in complete chaos. If you just find the time to sit and breathe. If you remember to say no to the demands of others. And if you just allow yourself to find that inner peace.