On the eve of your 59th birthday

I don’t think I’ll ever truly put aside the pain I feel at you not being here, Mum. I don’t think there will ever come a day when I’m not wishing I could phone you. It’s been almost 14 years and I can’t shake that desire. But this year’s post is something different, because you’ve brought someone into my life who is helping me reach for the stars. Actually a handful of people. In the past 12 months my life has changed, and I know you had a hand in that. Only a mother would guide her child to the people that would help that child grow in so many ways.

You’ve brought friends, mentors, an angel, and hope back into my life in the past year, and even if you were here, I wouldn’t know how to thank you. I’ve found my life taking some unexpected turns since your last birthday, when I sat and asked you ever so silently if you would help steer me to where I need to be.  I’m not pretending that it’s all been a picnic, because it hasn’t. But I can look at the past year and see the changes that have occurred. I’m so very grateful for each and every one of them. I’m still struggling with certain things but, I have faith and hope that it will get better. And part of that is due to the people who have entered my life. One in particular whom I know you sent my way. At just the right time, as always.

Thank you, Mum, for watching out for me, even now. You are and always have been my rock. And even as I mourn your life ended too soon, I will celebrate the love you nurtured within me that is finding its way to the surface once again.  As I play one of your favourite songs, sung by one of your favourite artists, I know that the words reaching my ears are right.

We’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when, but I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day.

Published by scribblenubbin

A conundrum inside an enigma.

2 thoughts on “On the eve of your 59th birthday

  1. Thank you for sharing that love and pain. I was lucky enough to have my mum for longer, she left 19 years ago at the age of 73 but it still wasn’t long enough, I don’t think it ever is. And like you I miss her, her words, her help. But I remember her and talk to her when I need her. And sometimes I think she hears and it is enough to ease the loss a little.


    1. I miss her each and every day. I hate that she’s gone. But I also know she’s finally at peace. I used to feel her with me but haven’t in a long time. So knowing that she had a hand in the past year has helped.


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