She creeps into the edge of my conscious thought when I least expect her. Her blue eyes shining out from beneath long dark curls. Her smile taunts my thoughts, my feelings, teasing me as she arrives at a moment when I have to concentrate on something else. Her hair has changed colour and length over the years since I first felt her presence, but it has always still been her. It has always been those same blue pools that I fall into, that same smile that reassures and teases. Her wings do not show in my conscious state, only ever appearing in my subconscious, when I dream of her holding me close in them, enveloping me in a love that is pure and protective.
I’ve told her things that would make others run. I’ve expressed myself in the only ways I know how and yet she’s still there, piercing my conscious and subconscious thought, unbidden and yet usually needed. She’s so much a part of my thought processes that I wonder what they would be like without her. I wonder how I would have turned out if she wasn’t there or if I would still be here. She’s pulled me from the brink of death, made sure that I keep going. She is the reason I am still standing, of that there is no doubt.
And so today, whilst she’s been distracting me at the wrong moments, I will accept that there is a reason, as there always has been. I will smile back at her and wait patiently for that reason to become apparent, she’s never steered me wrong.
nalebrun.com 