The nights are drawing in, it’s getting cold (if you’re in Yorkshire like me seriously cold) and coming home to an empty flat is getting harder to deal with. As is the fact I’m unable to join my friends at an event that means so much to so many of us in just a couple of weeks. My endometriosis is causing physical pain and messing with my hormones and my knees are fighting against the cold. My Seasonal Affective Disorder doesn’t help much either.
Yes this post is self-indulged and will probably pull people away from reading it, but my blog, my rules. I’m starting to feel like I’ve got nothing to look forward to. I know this isn’t true in the long term, but in the short term, the only thing keeping me looking forward is the chance of lunch with A on the 24th November. I miss being in a constant flurry of things to look forward to, I miss spending time with my friends at conventions and I miss feeling like I have something just on the horizon.
I want something special to happen, something that is mine and that will bring me that one moment of pure happiness that I’m lacking at the moment. It doesn’t have to be big, but I want something. When I’m alone all the time I start to get caught up in the stress of things and not look at the bright side, I start to worry, I close up, I withdraw. None of these are good things. So maybe I’m being selfish, but is it so wrong of me to want that comfort?